Driving With Your Breasts

The other day I was driving behind this Cadillac Escalade. You know, those big honking caddy SUVs that can double as someone's home, sometimes adorn with spinners. Very nice. But this one was going like 40 mph...which isn't bad, unless you're on the freeway. Which we were.

So I go around the moving building and I give the require long stare at the driver. I look over and this is what I see, words will do this no justice, but here:

1. what appeared to be a latin woman driver, mid thirties.
2. from what I can tell, she was probably 5 foot 1 inch tall.

Now you ask, "How do you know how tall she was?"

Good question.

Her chest was seemingly attached to the steering wheel. Her seat was moved forward all the way up, probably as far as it could go and she was still sitting on the edge of the seat. Her back was at least a foot away from the seat-back.

One hand on a cell phone and I think her other hand was holding a cup of coffee.

I believe she was driving with her teets. Amazing.

This is not the first time I've seen this combination...small elf-ish women and big honking monster trucks. They got to have a driving school for that, right?

This creates nothing more than moving death mobiles trolling out highways, controlled by stressed out soccer moms, the chase after ungrateful kids all day, cooking dinner, and worrying about how much gas their death-tanks eat up.

There should be a rule/law that specifies a height to car size ratio.

Now, you say that's wrong...we can't tell women what kind of car to drive, this is a free country.

Well, if it's so free, why do we have those, "You must be taller than me" signs in front of rollercoasters, forbiding shorter children and some small people to ride?

Oh, for SAFETY.

Exactly.